The Plan of the Century
by Dare5
Summary: Tony has an epiphany and develops The Plan Of The Century. After all, it's really difficult to get good personal assistants and if you have found one, you should do everything to keep her. Even if it means to fall in love with her and marry her. TS/PP


**Title: **The Plan of the Century  
**Author: **Dare5  
**Rating: **PG-13 (Nothing too graphical, I guess. It's fun, mostly.)  
**Characters/Pairings: **Tony/Pepper, cameo by Rhodey  
**Disclaimer:** "Ironman", Tony Stark, Pepper Potts and all related characters belong to Mavel Entertainment. I'm not making any money with them, so don't sue me.  
**Summary:** It's the plan of the century, JARVIS!  
**Note:** English is NOT my primary language. Please bear with me.

For some reason, inspiration for my other story, The Tin Man's Heart, doesn't strike me, so I came up with this one, because it's indefinitely easier to write.

And this one is fun, completely out-of-character and basically not to be taken serious in any way.

The Plan of the Century (1/?)  
by Dare5

It was the weirdest thing, Tony realized. He mistook it for a fever or some kind of infection and made JARVIS check him about sixteen times this morning.

It was nothing, JARVIS informed him. JARVIS was probably faulty.

It had all started the last evening. Rhodey had been his usual friendly, but pushy self. They had negotiated over the HUD technology of Tony's MARK III suit; that was, Rhodey tried to negotiate and Tony, being bored to hell tried to annoy Pepper.

He was sitting on the couch in his living room, leaning back, holding a Martini extra dry with three olives in his hand and smirked to where his personal assistant was sitting, pointedly ignoring him.

Pepper had noticed everything, of course (Martini extra dry, three olives, smirking, Rhodey, HUD, boring), but choose not to do Tony the favor and act on it. Once, when she had entered the room at the beginning of Rhodey's monologue as to why exactly Tony should over the US Army the HUD technology, she had acknowledged the very dry martini with three olives with a quick glare and then, her Blackberry had enjoyed her undivided attention.

Tony envied the damn Blackberry, turned his attention quickly towards Rhodey ("... peace in the Middle East ...") and again towards Pepper Potts.

Things were not exactly easy between them, since, well, everything.

There was the Iron Man suit – and Pepper hated, hated, hated it, because every time he came back in that thing, she had to peel him out of it, because some of the bullets had deformed the suit and made it impossible for his robots to get him out of it. Plus, she felt some kind of obligation to tend to his wounds afterwards, going through the entire procedure with alcohol, lots of painful pressure and a thin line where her lips had been before.

She didn't talk to him at all sometimes, which made him talk to her even more only to prompt her to end the conversation with: "Would that be all, Mr. Stark?"

He made her use one of the guest rooms despite the fact that she wanted to make a point to _never _stay over night – and her silent anger made him feel ... bad.

And then, today. Rhodey was still babbling some nonsense about secret weapon deliveries, while Tony stared at Pepper.

She sat at the edge of the couch, her legs pressed together, knees touching, and stared down at the bloody Blackberry, working. She was listening to every word Rhodey said, no doubt, but she was not her usual self.

She was angry (with Tony), unhappy (because of Tony) and would possibly quit (caused by Tony) because of something stupid he would do. Because of the suit. Because he was the way he was.

And then, of course, there was the thing with the infection (which was no infection, according to JARVIS). Tony felt weird. Wobbly. Dizzy, sometimes. But weird, most of the time, and he couldn't point his finger at whatever was causing it.

He had never felt like that before.

"You think about it?" Rhodey asked.

Tony, with some effort, peeled his glance from Pepper and directed it at his old friend. "Huh? Yeah. Sure. Just ... send me an e-mail with the details."

Pepper, without looking up, huffed slightly. Tony noticed it immediately.

"What?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing, Mr. Stark," the assistant replied.

"You just huffed."

"I most certainly did not huff."

"If you have something to say, say it now."

This time, she looked at him with her startling blue eyes. "Believes me, if I had to offer something useful, I would make myself heard."

There was a pause of about three seconds when Tony took her entire behavior in, did an analysis on it and, just before Rhodey could say something, Tony noted: "You are angry."

"Angry?" Miss Potts echoed. "Angry? Hah! Me, and angry? I am not."

"You behave strangely today."

"And you aren't listing to what Mr. Rhodes has to say at all. He came all the way from --" She glared at Rhodey, prompting the poor man for an answer.

"Izmir, Turkey," Rhodey replied weakly, looking from her to Tony and back. "But I was there for vacat --"

"_Izmir, Turkey_ – and you are with your thoughts in the underwear of some poor girl, no doubt."

Tony smirked. "You are angry _and _jealous?"

That did it. She came to her feet. "If that is all for today, Mr. Stark?"

A couple of thoughts swooshed through Tony's head as he calculated his chances. "As a matter of fact, no. There is a tiny thing I need from you today. Then you are free to go wherever you want to."

Clearing struggling with herself, her professionalism, her job description and her feelings for Tony in general, she finally snapped: "Fine. I will be waiting at my desk. Mr. Stark. Colonel Rhodes." Then, she stalked off.

Tony watched her leave with an undecipherable expression on his face.

"What was _that_?"

"Huh?"

"You. And Pepper. What ... what ..." He did a vague motion with his hands. "What was that? What happened?"

"Oh, it's probably that time of the month." Tony shrugged. "You know how she is."

"No, I don't. She is never like this. And you, neither, I might point out." Leaning forward, he raised an eyebrow. "Is there something going on between you and Pepper?"

"Going on? Hah!" He drowned half of his martini. "Between the two of us? Well, I tried, but it didn't work out. She seems to be immune – to me. Probably because we don't belong to the same species. Also, I mean, she – well, you know."

"I know?" Rhodey asked. "Tony --"

"I can handle it. I'll make sure she is happy again. Buy her something. A new kitchen appliance or something. Or a Ferrari. Haven't decided yet which one it will be." He shrugged, still staring at where Pepper had disappeared.

Colonel Rhodes sat in silence for a minute, watching the other man brood and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Tony ..."

"Hm?"

"Tony, listen. C'mon, look at me, Tony."

The other man turned towards him. "Yeah, I'm looking. See? My eyes are directed at – your eyes. See?"

Rhodes sighed. "Look. Pepper is the best thing that has ever happened to you. The best. You don't deserve her, and frankly, I don't understand why she stays with you. I tried to woo her away twice."

"You tried to woo my assistant?" Tony asked.

"Mrs. Adams retired."

"That old hag in your hallway?"

"Yeah, but the point is --"

"Who called me an idiot? Twice?"

"Yeah, but that's not the point --"

"You would not have been happy with Pepper. She calls me an idiot on a regular basis." He drowned the rest of his Martini. "Pepper is _my_ assistant. If you try to woo her away, I will sell all my future inventions to the pope."

"Tony."

"No, seriously. I mean it. He likes me. And my inventions. Cool, eh?"

Rhodes rolled his eyes, again. "Okay, you, listen. If you want to keep your sanity, happiness and life, I suggest you try everything in your might to keep her. She is the only thing you've got – and the only person who can stand you."

"You stand me."

"But only for so long." Rhodes got to his feet. "I have to leave now. My family is waiting."

Tony raised his glass. "How about a martini?"

"No."

"Just one? It's on me, I promise."

"No, thanks. Mark my words. Pepper. Keep her."

"I will, I will. And you mark my words." He was speaking louder now, as Rhodes was already halfway to the door. "Pope. Inventions. _Likes me!_"

The door closed. Rhodey was gone and Tony was sitting, all alone, in his living room.

Pepper. Ah, yes. Getting up, he followed her to her room, where her desk stood and all her files were kept and were she was watching his latest heroics on CNN and hated it.

"Mr. Stark, it's way beyond nine --"

"You could stay for the night ..."

"And I really want to go home." She was tired, he could tell. "What is it?"

"My bandages. On my back. Doctor says I have to remove them today. And --" He turned around several times in a futile attempt to touch them with his own hands. "I cannot reach them. See?" He turned again. "See?"

Usually, she would have smiled, but this time, she just sighed. "Okay. Off with your shirt – _and don't waggle your eyebrows._ Let's just get done with it."

He obediently did as he was told and only moments later, he felt Pepper's fingers ghost over his back, removing one patch after the other.

_Keep her. You don't deserver her. Keep her._

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to scare Rhodey's voice away.

"Hey, Pep?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark?"

"I – it's been really rough for you these past days, right?" He felt her hands hesitate on his back. "Right?" _Great, I have the empathy of a stone._

"It was – exhausting, yes," Pepper admitted.

"And I'm not exactly making it easy for you, right?"

"Tony --"

"I trying to be honest here, Pep, okay? I don't want you to quit, but I'm smart and brilliant and a genius and all that – well, you know – and from the looks of it, you are going to quit, aren't you?"

There was a decided pause behind his back. Finally, she said: "Yes."

"But I don't want you to quit."

She removed the last patch from his back. "Then you have to try harder. Would that be all, Mr. Stark?"

"That would be all, Miss Potts."

He sat there for quite a while, even after she was gone, staring at the opposite wall. Why, what a fine wall. So ... white ... and immaculate.

"Go, I'm going crazy."

"Sir?" asked the disembodied voice of JARVIS.

"Yes?"

"May I make an insertion?"

"Shoot."

"I am quite sure that you shall go crazy, indeed. For Miss Potts, that is."

Tony thought about it. "What?"

"You know, that thing that supposedly is The Answer?"

"Mayonnaise?"

JARVIS groaned. "Love, sir."

"Naaah. I'm not in love with – she is just ... and I am. Right? We always were. But we were never. You know. Furthermore, I'm Tony Stark. _The_ Tony Stark. I don't love, I lust."

"I've been around for some time, sir, and according my calculations, you have been in love at least for six years. With Miss Potts. Sir."

"That's bullshit, JARVIS, because since we already established that I am a genius, don't you think I would have noticed? Being in Love? With ... with, you-know-who?"

"You are a genius, but also one of the greatest dimwits that has ever lived," JARVIS said sweetly. "And I have to know, you built me. My sarcasm program is still running rampage within my inner sub routines."

"I did that on purpose," Tony said absentmindedly. "And I am not in love. With anyone. And most certainly not with ..." His started to stumble over his words, as something within him started to dawn.

Pepper. Virginia Potts. Wonderful eyes, smelled like strawberry and soap. Her presence made him happy. _She_ made him happy. She was always there, bore all his antics, his girlfriends, his calls at one o'clock in the night. She was funny and clever and sweet. And she organized his entire life, occasionally cooked for him and made sure his empire didn't fall apart.

She was perfect, he realized.

Something very old stirred within him. Something he had never noticed, because it was like some old piece of furniture he had, but never noticed because it was always there.

"Maybe you shouldn't compare her to old furniture. That's not very romantic," JARVIS noted.

"Hm. That's an interesting development."

"What?"

"Being in love. Wasn't expecting that." He shrugged. "Not sure, if you are right, but I intend to find out. Because Colonel Rhodes should keep Mrs. Adams."

"Mrs. Adams?"

"Yeah. And, I am Tony Stark. I can face anything."

"Yeah, but --"

"_And!_ I have a plan."

"Oh no," JARVIS moaned.

He sat up, nodded at himself and the fine, white immaculate wall in front of him. "A brilliant plan. The Plan of the Century."

"Sir, don't rush things --"

"JARVIS."

"Yes?"

"Maybe your theory is valid."

"Yes, sir, I already told you – and she is going to quit if you continue like that."

"No, she is not."

"No?"

"No. Because I'm going to make her stay. Forever."

"And how do you plan to do that? Tie her up in the basement?"

"Kinky, but no. I thing that would afflict our relationship in a negative way."

"Do tell."

"Yeah. I'm going to do that other thing. You know ..."

"No, I don't."

"That thing people do when they are in love with each other. That ancient, antique kind of thing. That – you know – Las Vegas, getting drunk, church?"

"Marriage?"

"Yes! That one! Marriage! I will. Marry. Her."

"Sir --" JARVIS tried to stop him.

"And you know what, JARVIS?" He pointed towards the wall in front of him. "That's a great wall. Love it. Greatest wall in the building. Pepper looks at it every day. We should buy something to refurbish it. Do they still sell the Mona Lisa?"

"They have never sold the Mona Lisa."

"I bet that depends on the price." He got up and floated towards the basement. "C'mon, JARVIS, it's the Plan of the Century."

"That's great, sir," JARVIS said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

End (1/?)


End file.
